How to Write about Traumas in Your Life So You Can Heal.

Fearless Confessions: A Writer's Guide to Memoir, Sue William Silverman, The University of Georgia Press, Athens, GA, 2009, pps. 237.

Faithful readers of my monthly EWAs will recall that in May of this year I reviewed a book called The Secret Life of Pronouns by James W. Pennebaker, that recounted results of numerous studies he and others conducted all proving that disclosing emotionally powerful secrets is good for one's health. Doing so can literally boost immune function, drop blood pressure and reduce depression while elevating one's mood. (Note: There is no need to show your writing to anyone to gain these health improvements. Simply the act of writing, the act of telling your secrets to the paper you write them on makes the improvements. Is that not amazing? Or is it that I am easily amazed?)

This is the guide for everyone wishing to take full ownership of their lives by writing about traumatic episodes.

In Fearless Confessions: A Writer's Guide to Memoir, Sue William Silverman gives readers a six-step guide to writing memoirs and crafting them into art:

• ''Savory Words'' discusses how to lift your prose out of the prosaic. Instead of writing that ''the sun rises on [a] homeless, hung-over man,'' write, ''Sunrays clanged in his ear.'' She discusses how external sensory imagery can be crafted to create mood and emotion. She writes, ''Don't just state your story, reveal your story.'' And she suggests, we ''move readers with active words.''
• ''Writing on Key'' suggests how to unify a memoir with a single theme without oversimplifying. Novice writers often jump from theme to theme without focusing on a single one. Silverman gives suggestions for spotting this weakness and overcoming it.
• ''Plotting your Life'' covers the ins and outs of effective plotting. I found her description of horizontal plots and vertical plots very valuable, something I had never seen explained before. She talks about how a writer of memoir can discover important meanings in life-events decades after they occur. I have experienced the life-changing power of these discoveries as I have made them and they have empowered me on my life journey.
• ''Between Innocence and Experience” discusses the process of a writer finding his or her voice. I have certainly found over the years how my writing voice has improved as I migrated from first-person (which I always interpreted as being limited to the knowledge and vocabulary of the character) to close-third-person (where as a third-person narrator I feel far more freedom to be an effective advocate for my character and to be far better informed about what is going on in the story than the character may be.)
• ''Mock Moons and Metaphor'' is about the process of crafting memoir story into art.
• ''Writing in Style''discusses writing styles and how one goes about choosing a style of writing to match the story one is telling.

Added value makes it an excellent textbook.

Silverman supplements this core content with elements which make this book an excellent choice to use as a text in a literary non-fiction creative writing course:

• Writing Exercises which give writers a jumping-off point to get started applying the content Silverman covers. Trust me: These exercises are not pushovers. One example: ''Write a short paragraph about the thing you were most afraid to tell your mother growing up, or the thing you’re still most afraid to tell her now.''
• Short snippets called,''For your Reading Pleasure'' at the close of each chapter serve to illustrate the points Williams made within that chapter. They are also very entertaining.
• An overview describing all the various subgenres of creative nonfiction. I was unaware all those subgenres even existed.
• Four full-length essays at the end of the book giving the reader excellent models for how to craft superior memoir writing.
• A reading list of contemporary literary non-fiction is categorized by kind; this listing is very valuable for someone who wishes to become better read in this exciting literary art form.

Coming face-to-face with adult predators and the trauma they cause.

As one might expect with a title like Fearless Confessions, the memoir material of her own that Silverman covers does not make for light, casual reading. On behalf of all those who have overcome childhood trauma, whether by writing about it or by other means, Silverman’s work struck me as important, not only for the author to write but for readers to read.

One caveat: Some have criticized her book for not telling enough stories of her own struggles as she wrote about her own trauma. If Silverman were to issue a revised edition of Fearless Confessions she would do well to remove any doubt from the reader’s mind about her willingness to tell her own story by moving chapter nine, entitled ''Confessional and (Finally) Proud of It,'' and calling it chapter two in her revised edition. (Chapter One tells the story of how she came to write her first memoir. That should remain chapter one.)

Why should chapter nine become chapter two? Because chapter nine reveals the author’s feelings about why she wrote this book, and other memoirs that she has published (some of them award-winning); also, the connections she has to her confessions and why they are both empowering and, redemptive. Perhaps humanizing might be the better word to use here, because when Silverman tells her trauma stories, she does seem to be reclaiming part of her human-hood, which the trauma blocked off access to until she was able to overcome it.

At first, everyone is hesitant to write about their traumas.

I believe most of us, at least at first, are hesitant to confess some of the traumas Sue Silverman details early on in her book and then again in chapter nine: She grew up with a father who sexually molested her; the homes she lived in were ''prisons'' to her. As an adult she spent many years in therapy to come to terms with her sexual addiction.

The author addresses the ethical issues.

At the heart of what causes many people to never write about their traumas are the ethical questions that inevitably come up. (Some would say, loyalty-to-the-predator questions.) Without doubt, trauma stories come with strings attached.

What about the relatives, often parents, who are inevitably the abusers, the predators? They are the monsters who hurt and cause the trauma. What about them? Totally uninterested bystanders might say, ''Aren’t the tellers of the stories accusing their parents or other close relatives of committing terrible sins? Don’t the relatives get a say in the matter?'' And what if relatives simply don’t wish to participate in this form of public confessional? What if they would rather be left out of it? Do they not have a right to say, ''Do not write about me or it. Write me out of it.''

Sue William Silverman addresses this issue; I think she builds a powerful case. Ultimately, when you are imprisoned by childhood traumas, one way to liberate yourself is by literally writing your way out of it. There are other ways, of course, but if you choose to write, you can hardly choose to avoid incriminating others. My opinion: Incest-predators like Silverman’s father should have thought of that when they perpetrated their crimes. (It is also important to point out: After you write a memoir, no one said you must publish it or make it public.) As Silverman expresses it:

''But what about other people involved in my secrets, especially my parents? Aren’t I, in my writing, supposed to protect their privacy?

''No.

''Since my family was involved in the creation of who I am, I feel justified, even obligated as a writer to reveal the roles they played. It was because my father molested me that I suffered from sex addiction, an eating disorder.

''How can I write a life, be a memoirist, without including members of my family? They are woven into the threads of every experience. If I don’t write, I will once again be silenced, just like the child-me; in essence, my father will silence me. If I don’t write my secrets I will, in effect, still be keeping his. Only my own words can finally fill that blank, empty space that once was me.

''Only by telling our family truths could we have been an authentic family. Only by telling my secrets can I be an authentic woman. This is the only way for me to be an authentic writer, as well.

''Writing is a way to remove the muzzle and blinders from childhood. Writing is a way to take possession of, to fully own, my life. Only I own my memories that dwell in the attic of my mind. As sole possessor of them, I am free to write.

''By doing so, I feel my own power. Through telling my story, listening to the stories of others, I am no longer a timid little girl, even as I still, at times, get scared. But I try not to allow fear to preclude me from writing. After years of silence, I have a voice.

''Write anyway! Whatever the roadblock. Write anyway!''

And what if you are one of those who say, I do not want to write about my traumatic childhood experiences. I would rather write about how happy my childhood was? Something tells me Fearless Confessions isn’t for you.

Ah, but if you are of the ilk who has wished you could put traumatic experiences down on paper, then pick up Fearless Confessions. Your health might improve as a result.

Caitlyn Jenner, and What Really Makes Women Different from Men?

The Secret Life of Pronouns: What Our Words Say about Us, James W. Pennebaker, Bloomsbury Press, New York, 2011, pps. 352.

A recent essay by Elinor Burkett, noted commentator and filmmaker, appearing in The New York Times made the point that the media frenzy over the publication of Caitlyn Jenner's photos in Vanity Faire and the way trending transgender social issues are being discussed seem to have put women back in a stereotypical box (e.g., ''more intuitive, nurturing, emotional, etc.'') that they only recently escaped.

According to Burkett, ''For me and many women, feminist and otherwise, one of the difficult parts of witnessing and wanting to rally behind the movement for transgender rights is the language that a growing number of trans individuals insist on, the notions of femininity that they're articulating and their disregard for the fact that being a woman means having accrued certain experiences, enduring certain indignities and relished certain courtesies in a culture that reacted to you as one.''

Male brain, female brain: Differences

Burkett's watershed piece of thought leadership continues: ''Brains are a good place to begin because one thing that science has learned about that is they're in fact shaped by experience, cultural and otherwise. The part of the brain that deals with navigation is enlarged in London taxi drivers, as is the region dealing with the movement of the fingers of the left hand in right-handed violinists.''

Do women and men have different brains? Do they speak and write differently? In my opinion that question was settled in 2011 with the publication of James W. Pennebaker's landmark book, The Secret Life of Pronouns.

In April's EWA, I described Pennebaker's life-long quest to develop the field of computational linguistics, which uses computers and specialized software to count the number and kind of words used in any message.

Function word use can predict the gender of the author.

Thanks to Pennemaker's groundbreaking research, the very shortest, insignificant words, what he calls function words, ''can lead to telling insights into personality, gender, deception, leadership, love, history, politics and groups.''

Function words, he says, include pronouns such as I, you, we and they; articles such as a, an, the; prepositions such as to, for, over; and other words which, along with function words, fit into a larger category he calls ''stealth words.'' Two examples: positive emotion words, for example, love, fun and good; and cognitive words like think, reason and believe.

As I wrote in April's EWA, Pennebaker asserts that hidden in patterns of stealth word use is a method that could be used to identify each of us by our gender.

Pennebaker's most important idea.

Here is the heart of Pennebaker's message: ''By listening to, counting, and analyzing stealth words, we can learn about people in ways that even they may not appreciate or comprehend. At the same time, the way people use stealth words can subtly affect how we perceive them and their messages.''

Do men and women use words differently? They do. Here are some of Pennebaker's findings. I'm quoting him.

-Women use first-person singular pronouns, or I-words, more than men.

-Men and women use first-person plural words, or we-words at the same rate. An interesting sidebar here mentioned by Pennebaker: ''The reason we is such a fun word is that half of the time it is used to bring the speaker closer to others, and the other half of the time to deflect responsibility away from the speaker. (For example, when a father says to his child, ''I think we need to do something about cutting the lawn; don't you agree it's about time?'') Women tend to use the warm we and men are more drawn to the distanced we.)

-Men use articles more than women do.

-No difference in the use of positive emotion words.

-Women use more cognitive words, which Pennebaker says is ''a slap in the face of Aristotle who believed that women were less rational than men and incapable of philosophical thought.'' (There's that box again.)

-And this most important conclusion: Women use more social words (any words related to other human beings.) Women do, indeed, think more and speak more about other people.

Other findings of Pennebaker's.

Men use more:

-Big words

-Nouns

-Propositions

-Numbers

-Words per sentence

-Swear words

Women use more:

-Personal pronouns

-Negative emotion (especially anxiety)

-Negations (no, not, never)

-Certainty words (always, absolutely)

-Hedge phrases (I think, I believe)

Pennebaker concludes, ''Males categorize their worlds by counting, naming and organizing the objects they confront. Women, in addition to personalizing their topics, talk in a more dynamic way, focusing on how their topics change. Discussions of change require more verbs.

What about Plays and Movies? Can Men Talk like Women?

As if that weren't enough, here is where Pennebaker's research findings become truly fascinating: He ran well known novels and plays through his Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count (LIWC) software program and learned, for example, that William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet has ''both young lovers, especially Juliet, expressing themselves the ways that males tend do.'' He ran Quentin Tarantino's script for Pulp Fiction through his LIWC and found that both women and men in that film talk like men.

Here are a few movies where, according to Pennebaker, both the women and men characters speak like women:

-Nora Ephron's Sleepless in Seattle

-Sofia Coppola Lost in Translation

-Woody Allen Hannah and Her Sisters

He devotes many pages of his book to artistic literary analysis. (Playwrights and screenplay writers take note!)

In a time when we seem to be fascinated by the subject of what makes women female and men male, I believe Pennebaker's book is required reading. And what is the answer? My opinion: The differences in language processing, writing and speaking between men and women exist at a far deeper level than anatomical differences or surgical procedures can address.

Your Smallest Words Reveal the Biggest Secrets about who You Are.

This is my review of: The Secret Life of Pronouns: What Our Words Say about Us, James W. Pennebaker, Bloomsbury Press, New York, 2011, pps. 352.

Welcome back. With this month's EWA, we begin a new series that explores the research findings of James W. Pennebaker, a social psychologist at UT Austin who discovered the magic of short, forgettable words.

When you write any communication, you probably do so believing that content is its most important feature. However, author Pennebaker begs to differ; he asserts that the style of any communication can be more important than its content.

In his book, Pennebaker reflects on his decades of research in the field of computational linguistics, which uses computers and specialized software to count the number and kind of words used in any message. Over the years he has shown that an analysis of writing style can yield amazing insights about the person who wrote it.

How does Pennebaker define style?

By style, Pennebaker means the way any author of any communication (from a tweet to an entire nonfiction book, novel or play) uses the very shortest and most innocuous words, what Pennebaker calls ''function words.'' These include pronouns such as I, you, we and they; articles such as a, an, the; prepositions such as to, for, over; and other words he calls ''stealth words.''

By all appearances, function words seem to be the least significant words. Indeed, when you listen to anyone while they're speaking to you, function words are always the ones that ''fall out.'' They disappear without a trace.

Why do we need to pay close attention to function words?

According to Pennebaker, ''your brain is not wired to notice [function words], but if you pay close attention, you will start to see subtle patterns begin to emerge.''

You may remember the Biblical adage, ''The meek shall inherit the earth.'' Thanks to Pennebaker's groundbreaking research, the very meekest words have, if you will, inherited an important role in allowing us to de-code and read heretofore hidden information about the author of any communication.

What kind of hidden information can function word-analysis reveal?

''The analysis of function words [and how they're used in any given writing sample] can lead to new insights into personality, gender, deception, leadership, love, history, politics and groups,'' writes Pennebaker.

He asserts that hidden in patterns of functional-word use is a method that could identify each one of us as surely as if our fingerprints or iris-patterns had been used.

Making some amazing predictions

According to the book's dust jacket: ''Using innovative analytic techniques, Pennebaker x-rays everything from Craigslist advertisements to the Federalist Papers. Who would have predicted that the high school senior who uses too many verbs in her admission essay is likely to make lower grades in college? Or that a world leader's use of pronouns can reliably presage whether he will lead his country into war? ''

In commenting on the significance of his work and discussing his area of social research, Pennebaker writes, ''Ultimately, I'm interested in psychology and social behavior. Words, in my world, are a window into the inner workings of people, a fascinating and revealing way to think about language and its links to the world around us.''

Next Month

In next month's EWA (May), I will describe the research Pennebaker conducted at the beginning of his career that eventually led to him discovering the predictive nature of function-word patterns. His early research demonstrated the power of writing to help victims of severe emotional trauma heal when they write directly and repeatedly about their traumatic episode.

In June's EWA, I will cover how Pennebaker decided to ignore writing content and to focus exclusively on writing style, or the use of function words in writing. I'll describe some of Pennebaker's conclusions about how people express themselves and distinguish themselves through their use of function words.

In July's EWA, I will explore how men and women's use of function words varies. Yes, most men and women express themselves differently. It's not because men and women come from different planets; rather, it's because they rely on different patterns of functional word usage to express themselves.

More Words I Love.

Welcome back. It's okay to like certain words, but try not to fall in love with them. At the same time, don't neglect or forget them, either. Remember them as you might remember important moments in your life. And think about this: The words you use are indicators of the person you are; they also adumbrate the person you are becoming.

Omerta: noun, Italian. A secrecy sworn to by oath; a code of silence. Origin: In 1909 from the Italian,umilta, meaning humility, referring to the code of submission of individuals to the overriding group interest. From the Latin humilitas. Example: ''A time-honored culture of omerta often prevails at the Supreme Court.'' David Remick writing in The New Yorker, 2015.

Adumbrate trans. verb To outline; give a faint indication of; to foreshadow; to overshadow; to obscure. Origin: 1575-1585, from the Latin, adumbratus, meaning shaded equivalent to ad + umbra meaning shade, shadow + -atus. Example: The storming of the Bastille in 1789 was the adumbration of the French Revolution that rallied citizens to overthrow the king. Noun: Adumbration.

Delineate verb To trace the outline of; sketch or trace a visual representation of; to portray in words; describe precisely. Origin: Latin, Delineatus, meaning to outline. Entering English between 1550 and 1560. Example: In the President's speech he took great care to delineate the major components of the law. Related words: delineated, delineating, delineation.

Apercu noun French A hasty glance, a glimpse; an immediate judgment; understanding; insight; an outline or summary. Literal meaning in French: perceived. Example: They exchanged an ominous apercu.

Note how the words delineation and apercu have very different meanings, yet the word ''outline'' defines them both.

Beamish adj Bright, cheerful and optimistic. Origin: Between 1520 and 1530, coming from beam + ish. Example: He had a beamish smile.

Intenerate verb To make soft or tender; to soften. Origin: In the late 1500s. The word has its roots in the Latin term tener, meaning ''tender.'' Example: The leather was intenerated. Other forms: intenerates, intenerated.

Itinerant noun Traveling from place to place, especially on a circuit, as a minister, judge or laborer. Origin: 1560-1570. Late Latin from the present participle of itinerate, to journey. Example: Itinerant preacher.

Notice how different the words intenerate and itinerant are, even though they sound alike.

Anthesis noun used in botany The period or act of expansion in flowers, especially the maturing of the stamens. Origin: This word entered English in the 1800s. Its roots lie in the Greek anthesis, meaning bloom. Example: During anthesis the avocado tree is sensitive to temperature, which can severely disrupt the dichogamy mechanism.

Antithesis noun Opposition; contrast. The direct opposite (usually followed by of or to.) Example: Her reputation was that of a coward, but her behavior showed her to be the very antithesis of that.

Note: Do not confuse anthesis and antithesis.

Dysphemism noun The substitution of a harsh, disparaging or unpleasant expression for a more neutral one; an expression so substituted. Origin: The word entered English in the late 1800s. Derived from the Greek dys- meaning ill or bad + pheme meaning ''speaking.'' Example: In the charges, they decided to call the activity ''data collection'' after the term ''spying'' was excluded as a dysphemism.

Euphemism noun The substitution of a mild, indirect or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh or blunt. Origin: From the Latin, Euphonia, meaning to sound good. Example: ''To pass away'' is a commonly used euphemism for ''to die.'

'

Notice how dysphemism and euphemism have the exact opposite meaning.

More lovely words next month. Send in your favorites.

More Word Love

Welcome back. Falling in love with words is like falling in love with marble figurines. Basically, it is a narcissistic experience. Still I can't resist. Continuing on from last month, here are a few more words that have managed to worm their way into my heart.

Clutch: Of course as a noun it is a woman’s purse or part of an automobile, but I love it as a verb because one cannot clutch anything without there being passion or strong emotions involved in the holding of that thing, whatever it is.

Clenched: Whether it is a fist or teeth that are clenched, emotions run deep with this verb, which is also why I love it.

Downcast: In this iPhone age, we have all forgotten that we needn’t always write, ''He walked looking down.'' If we choose, we can write, ''He walked with downcast eyes,'' thereby causing the style of our writing to look up.

Harsh: Whether we are speaking of a harsh winter or harsh penalty calls in a sport, this admittedly old-fashioned and somewhat under-used word provides a wonderful alternative to old standbys such as punishing, strict, draconian, or unfair.

Seldom: Today this word is seldom used yet it exudes dignity, honor and a sense of importance. What a colorful alternative to ''rarely'' and ''infrequently.''

Slender: I put it to you, dear reader: Would you rather have a slender figure, a thin figure, a slim figure, or an emaciated figure? I rest my case. Yet today the word ''slender'' is rarely used. You can make your writing distinctive by calling upon it every once in a while.

Winnow: To drive or blow (chaff, dirt) away by fanning; to blow upon, fan; to separate. Note: the word parse that we covered last month also means to separate out, but applies to analyzing a sentence by its grammatical parts of speech.

Ephemera: The plural of ephemeron, which refers to anything that is short-lived or ephemeral.

Specious: Pleasing to the eye on the surface, but lacking genuine merit. Plausible. Usually used in reference to ideas or thinking.

Comely: Pleasing in appearance, attractive, fair. Usually used in reference to people, e.g., A comely maid.

Abhorrent: Detestable or loathsome.

Odious: Deserving hatred, detestable.

Sophistic: Fallacious, logically unsound.

Cohort: A companion or associate.

Words I love.

Welcome back. When you become smitten with words, prepare to endure unrequited love. Despite my best efforts to remain aloof from words and cold-hearted about them, a few have wormed their way into my heart. I am uplifted, enlivened and never, never bored by them. Here are a few of my favorites:

Vague: Indistinct, unclear

Evanescent: Vanishing, fading away, fleeting (''The evanescent glow of fireflies'')

Glance: A brief look

Diaphanous: Sheer, transparent or translucent

Footfall: Footstep

Aggress: To commit the first act of aggression

Smitten: Struck down, infatuated

Caress: An embrace, a light stroking (I particularly like ''aggress'' and ''caress'' used together. ''Shall I aggress or caress?'')

Ferocious: Fierce, savage, brutal, predatory

Lumpen: Dispossessed, displaced people who have lost social status. (I see lumps of clay. ''These are the lumps of the lumpen.'')

Vicious: Ferocious, brutal, dangerous, aggressive

Agon: A conflict, a struggle (''Job had an agon with God.'')

Bask: Laze, lie, lounge

Parse: To examine critically, to break down in component parts (''How could I begin to parse the sentiment behind that look?'')

Distracted: Preoccupied

Doleful: Sorrowful, mournful

Jiggling: Shaking, wiggling, fidgeting

Wayworn: Fatigued by travel

Flickering: Glimmering, dancing, twinkling, sparkling

Coruscate: Give off or reflect flashes of light (''They pulled up at the farthest end of a loop path that looked out over the great basin of the Rio Grande under brilliant, coruscating stars.'' Bill Roorback writing in Big Bend)

Aglow: Shining, radiating, smoldering

Swoon: To enter a state of ecstasy

Swirl: Whirl, eddy, billow, spiral

Rapture: Joyful ecstasy

Vague: Indistinct, unclear

Confabulation: Easy, unrestrained conversation

Evocative: Tending to evoke (''The fragrance was evocative of languid summer afternoons.'')

Sere: Dry, withered

Wizened: Shriveled, aged, white with age

Languid: Slow, listless

Rheumy: A mucous discharge from eyes or nose (sometimes snot)

Phantasmagoric: Deceptive appearances in a dream or created by the imagination

Languish: To become weak or feeble

Dear Reader, look for more evocative words next month. Send in your favorites.

Why I Always Migrate Back to Bird by Bird.

Just as the swallows return to San Juan Capistrano, I return to a perennial nesting place, a book Anne Lamott wrote about writing called Bird by Bird.

Whenever I see birds thriving in difficult and unlikely locations, among craggy cliffs, atop flagpoles or in lonesome pines along wind swept bluffs, I think about writers. Like our fine-feathered friends, some of us are irrepressible songbirds who somehow manage to thrive under harsh and unforgiving conditions.

An article about Laura Hilldebrand in last week's New York Times magazine describes the health hardships that the author endured while writing her best-sellers Seabiscuit and Unbroken. But isn't that the point? She has endured. Could it have been the challenges that helped her rise to the occasion and produce works of steely purpose and unbroken spirit? That is the question posed by the article's author Wil S. Hylton.

Saying it's difficult to be a writer is true but it's also trite. However, if becoming a writer is your goal and if you are looking for a fine book about how to write and lead the writing life, you can't land on a better one than Bird by Bird.

No writer should go without reading this work at least once.

Here are six reasons why:

1. Anne Lamott writes from of a wealth of experience derived from many years of teaching writing. She doesn't lecture. She tells stories. She knows what we, her readers, want to know and what our monkey-mind is prattling on about as we read her book. For example, at one point she takes time out from a discussion of writing craft to indicate that right now we, the readers, want to ask, ''But do you need an agent to get published?'' She's right, of course. That is what most readers want to know right off the bat. And we don't want a discussion about craft to get in the way of knowing. The beauty of Anne Lamott's writing: She is willing to skip around, which, to my way of thinking is a great way to cover the subject of writing.

2. She can be comic and downright hilarious. For example, she starts by stating, ''…good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do no seem to share this longing.'' Thus, she introduces us to her delightfully zany, readable and lively style. But then a few sentences later, she gives up on the truth by writing, ''But after a few days at the desk, telling the truth in an interesting way turns out to be about as easy and pleasurable as bathing a cat.''

The question she asks, without asking, is this: Who would ever want to read a book about writing written in a ponderous style? ''No one'' is our answer.

3. She encourages us to write about the bad stuff, the really bad stuff, in our lives. If you have had horrific experiences, she insists (rightly) that ''you own them.'' She encourages all of us to rise to the challenge of writing about the bad stuff and not avoid it in favor of writing about light and airy stuff. I know from experience, if you try to avoid writing about it, the bad stuff will only show up in your writing in other weird ways. Far better to confront it head on.

4. She has a wonderful way of letting us access the fun of writing. For example, her metaphors: In a section on ''Polaroids,'' she tells us ''You're not going to know how your shitty first draft turns out until it does. She gives us permission to write shitty first drafts by calling them exactly that. She calls the process of writing similar to ''School Lunches'' by writing, ''It only looked like a bunch of kids eating lunch. It was really about opening our insides in front of everyone.'' She is able to raise her work to being instructions on life itself. That makes it very valuable.

5. She has a wonderful way of letting us access the terror of writing. She makes it clear that if you wish to be a writer, you must find a way of face up to your demons. ''Then your mental illnesses arrived at the desk like your sickest, most secretive relatives. And they pull up chairs in a semicircle around the computer; and they try to be quiet but you know they are there with their weird coppery breath, leering at you behind your back.'' By describing what we are afraid of and making it real, she enables us to laugh at the terror. She gives us strategies to deal with it, how to not yield to it. This alone makes Bird by Bird a very valuable writing companion. We come to writing well armed with Anne Lamott's humor.

6. She is a marvelous teacher of writing. She helps us focus on what is attainable, on what we can write about successfully today, right now, this very second. One of the more memorable and truthful things she writes has to do with publication. In her words: ''Almost every single thing you hope publication will do for you is a fantasy…''

By being a marvelous writer herself, she models how an excellent teacher of writing can and should proceed.

Yes, writing can be hard. Writing can be difficult. Yes, it takes courage to keep the demons at bay knowing you may never be able to destroy them. But there are compensatory givebacks and remunerative grace notes to being a writer, as well. The call of Bird by Bird that keeps me coming back for more is simple: It puts me in touch, lovingly in touch, with the beauty that living a writer's life makes possible.