The Agony and Ecstasy of Writing

I readily admit I am hooked on writing. Yet there's pain involved. What's up with that? Masochism?

The lyrics to Cold Play's song, ''Fix You'' contains clues:

''When you try so hard but you don't succeed/
When you get what you want, but not what you need…/
Lights will guide you…/
And I will try to fix you.''

In my twenties (after graduating from Rutgers and serving in the Peace Corps) I tried to become a novelist, what I needed, and failed utterly at it. I found work as an advertising copywriter in New York City and got what I wanted.

I was living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, on West 87th Street, a block or two off Central Part West. A ground-floor apartment with a garden in the back. Riding my bicycle to work at an ad agency at 59th just off Madison Avenue. I was in therapy because I wasn't happy. Now I would say I must have been crazy.

I applied to The University of Iowa Writers' Workshop. I had heard it was sort of a half-decent place. My application was rejected. My wife at the time believed in my writing abilities more than I did, bless her soul.

''Let's move to Iowa City,'' she said. And she was a New Jersey girl. ''But they rejected me,'' I whined. I'll bet I pouted and sniveled, too. ''We'll move. You'll apply again. You'll be accepted this time,'' she said. That was precisely what happened. (I never thanked her for believing in my writing abilities. She changed my life.)

My years at the Iowa Workshop were profoundly inspiring and transformative. I had brilliant teachers including Angus Wilson, John Leggett, John Irving, Gail Godwin, Ben Santos, Vance Bourjaily and Fred Exley, among others.

It seemed I was on the verge of a dream come true, but that was not to be. I couldn't finish novels that I began. Great beginnings flamed and petered out. Writing was agonizing. The short stories I did complete were underwhelming to editors and agents.

After graduating with an MFA in creative writing, I put my dreams of being a novelist away in a desk drawer along with a colorful collection of rejection slips. I returned to New York City, working for ad agencies. Black Flag Roach Motel and Aarid Extra Dry were two accounts I worked on (wrote TV commercials for) but they might as well as well have been addresses where I lived.

I immigrated to Dallas. Finally, finally - I was still unhappy. I was the recipient of many gifts: A home, two beautiful children, a thriving freelance writing business. I learned to write speeches, white papers, case studies and the like. I kept trying to improve my writing skills; however, I was inconsistent. Sometimes I started strong but flamed out; however, most all the time I left clients jumping up and down for joy. I wasn't good at proofing my own work. Typos were my bugaboo. (Only I might have written in those days: ''Typoos were my bugaboo.'' I'm going to write a children's book someday entitled Typoos. ''The baby manatee sat on the typewriter and made a typoo.'')

I was diagnosed with adult ADHD and began taking medication for it. I responded well. Being inconsistent, impulsive and oblivious of your blessings; also, being unable to finish projects you start, and making typos are all symptoms of ADHD. They can also be symptoms of immaturity.

I met Paula Joyce, a creative coach, who in one forty-five minute session helped me breakthrough a creative block I never knew I had. Later that day I began writing Redemption, the novel I completed in November of 2010. Finishing that novel has been the greatest triumph of my life. It's key to why writing is such a joy for me now. Because it's the novel I was never able to finish in my twenties. Everything since has been so much fun.

Within a week of the session with Paula I e-mailed issue #1 of Chuck Lustig's ExcitingWriting Advisory to about 240 friends. You are now reading issue #110. I sent this one out to an opt-in list of more than 2,100.

I was able to concentrate. Every day was a revelation. I fell in love with a wonderful person; someone who deeply believes in me and in my writing abilities. After we were going together a few weeks I wanted to go out and she said to me, ''Didn't you say you were writing a novel?'' We've been together since 2005 and plan to be married next year. (Thank you, Gina.)

My mother gave me a copy of Driven to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell, the world authority on ADHD. I came across a sentence in that book that gave me pause: ''Usually, adults who have undiagnosed ADD have some dream, some forgotten hope, that treatment can revive and help turn into a reality.'' My heart quickened. Can you imagine my excitement? (Thank you, Mom.)

I learned how to proof my work effectively. (Thank you, Kris Kozamchak.)

My strategy has been and remains to continually improve my writing skills. That strategy is at the heart of my ExcitingWriting brand as it applies to novels, short stories and marketing communications.

So now we're up to the present.

I was able to write this particular EWA issue, the hardest one I've ever written, because just last month I attended the 75th Anniversary Celebration of the founding of the Iowa Writers' Workshop and went through a soul bending experience as I connected with my tribe. My heart will always be in Iowa City.

I'll definitely be publishing my first novel, Redemption, the story of love lost and found in the dark days after 9/11. I'm now writing my second novel, Revolution, the story of a Peace Corps volunteer in the jungles of Colombia in 1967 who falls in love with a FARC revolutionary soldier. I'm also writing Unfinished Business, a collection of short stories I would have written in my twenties had I been able (only now they're a lot better because I've had a few years to rewrite them.) And I'm a freelance writer again with a thriving business.

And finally, finally, finally I am truly happy. Truly, truly, truly happy. I'm no longer a prig, although sometimes I'm still an asshole. When you try so hard but you can't succeed… You know the lyrics now. I've followed the lights for decades, and they have guided me home.

My love and gratitude to everyone who has helped me along my journey. That's quite a crowd. And it is about the journey, the agony and the ecstasy, and not about the arrival. I bet you know that. Thank you.