Once upon a time literate people spent time coming up with clever wordplays that could devastate a rival, and sometimes even a friend.
Below you can read a collection of them. Notice that most will fit within today's Twitter character limit. Why don't people come up with these expressions today? They were written in a former era when people believed that if insults came from a truly sharp wit, they should sting.
He had delusions of adequacy.
Walter Kerr
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Winston Churchill
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
Clarence Darrow
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I will waste no time reading it.
Moses Hadas
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. .
Mark Twain
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one.
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one.
Winston Churchill, in response.
I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.
Stephen Bishop
He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
John Bright.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Irvin S. Cobb.
He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.
Samuel Johnson
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
Paul Keating
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
Charles, Count Talleyrand
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
Forrest Tucker
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mark Twain
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Mae West
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination.
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
Jack E. Leonard
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
Robert Redford
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
Thomas Brackett Reed
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Billy Wilder
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Abraham Lincoln
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
Winston Churchill
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, If you were my husband I'd give you poison.
He said, If you were my wife, I'd drink it.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.
That depends, Sir, said Disraeli, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.
If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit next to me.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth (daughter of Teddy Roosevelt)
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English Professor, Ohio University
